Self Rightous Suicide

Going to Sleep
As I walk through the basement door,
I wonder how many more,will fall under Chaos's path,
Destroyed by the demon's wrath.
I transverse down the metal stair,
Past rows of hanging earththenware,
I curse the creature's name,
That has brought me tremendous shame.
In my soul rushes a regretful flood,
By Chaos's hands drip innocent blood.
I unlock the door with my rusted key,
In my mind's eye, all I see are fear
pain and rage left by Chaos's rampage.
Death and pain are all I saw,
My reminder the mark of a claw.
I see a final time an image of Chaos's face,
Covered by scars that will never heal,
Caused by a pain he dosen't feel.
All I can do is fall asleep,
Where for eternity I may merely weep.
_____________________________________

well thats a pic of me just if you've never seen me or if you wanted one of me

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: All I've Got-The Used

As the madness seeps from my mind to my soul,
It becomes so hard for me to control,
I wince in pain when it breaks away,
And I know that I’ll never be ok,
Picking up the pieces of my sanity,
The word’s meaning slowly leaving me,
The pain is coming I can hear its tread,
As I hold on nearly by a thread,
The pain is here it won’t make a sound,
I will finally stand my ground,
Death can come at any minute,
But you know I have seen it,
If death becomes me,
So shall it be me,
If life is the way,
I will be that way,
Live every moment as it is your last,
Your time here will one day be cast,
But today the battle is won,
It’s ended today,
And when it’s done,
The war is never over,
It rages even as I sleep,
One day this war will end,
And the victor be declared,
But this day won’t come soon,
My sadness shall be blurred,
No one will hear me,
But maybe it best unheard
________________________________________________________________________________________
one must live their life ready to die at any moment, a true Samuari takes responsiblity
for every action nay every breath he takes, I have lived by these values my whole life as long as I remain here I will this is a small excerpt from the code of the samurai known otherwise as bushido, I have fought for these values and will, the pain will never win this war might never end but I will never stop fighting till the day I die, this I swear on my honnor as a shinobi and a practiciner of bushido.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Perfect Drug-Nine inch nails

Regaurding my previous entry
this is an entry reagaurding my previous one, the short story is i did something. something so terrible that the sin will never leave me ever, I don't ask for forgivness for what I did, I will never be forgiven for what I did, If you want to know the story just email me at LastatVamp89@aol.com if I trust you I'll tell you everything but be ready for it, cause when its over you might not look at me the same again
______________________________________________________________________________________

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: H.I.M.

Ragein
An enigma, thats what they say,
but they never even know me,
and never give the the time of day,
if they only knew the things I'd do,
I can still see their faces,
all of them wimpering their final graces,
cries of pain,
this was my bane,
it's not from me it's from another,
tommrow someone will tell your mother,
as I finish my terible sin,
ragein on the inside,
but nothing within,
one day their crys will finally leave me,
but no one really see's me,
one day I will square with my sins,
before I am consumed from within,
forgive me never for I have sinned
________________________________________________________________________________________

everyone wonders what my most evil sin was this was it I don't ask for forgives I simply wanted to explain, so forgive never for my sin, this is my life the pain has found me I won't let it win again but it will try and consume me again, again, and again....

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: sinner-drowning pool

The Mirror
Plenty of love,
but no heart to fill,
inside the rage rises,
along with the urge to kill,
no stop!
my sanities plee,
but this word,
means nothing to me,
my soul emerges from,
the depths of me,
but when fully revealed,
theres nothing to see,
for my light,
has all but left me,
looking to the mirror,
for an answer to my maddness,
I search,
for the emotion called sadness,
I lok at him an all I see,
is fear,pain, and rage,
caused by my vicious rampage,
why must you fight?
it is my blight,
why must you kill?
I just must still,
If I don't and I give in,
I will never square with my sins,
the pain will win,
and I will be consumed from within,
this will happen all too soon,
when I cease to exist,
so shall you,
for you in reality are my own refelcton too
______________________________________________________________________________________

the pain of memeory fuels my body to day, i an wracked with pain as I confront my most evil of sins, those who know of them will understand, those who dont would be afraid, no memory of my past has ever been spoken, to but one, if those who don't know of my evil did, they would not want to know me, I can feel it moving through my veins, I won't let in, It cannot win, for if it does I will begin to cry, andthe pain will leave me the hallow shell of a peson that I was, and I will feel never again

Pain is here
The pain is here,
It won't disappear,
It's going to beat me,
It's going to make me bleed,
It will make me see,
How tough life could be,
My thoughts faded,
My dreams are jaded,
As darkness burrows deep,
And scars began to weep,
The tendencies start to grow,
The blood begans to flow,
From the cuts deep within,
One inch through innocent skin,
As life drifts away,
And the sun vanishes from the day,
Shunned into the sadness,
An eternity of madness,
Death is so close, very near,
Because my pain is here.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: We are all to blame-Sum 41

Punishment
With mirrors on each wall
my visage is of vinegar disgust
Jesus never died for our sins
he only gave up
I could give up
I could throw up
I could break my chain of life.
With mirrors on each wall
my reflection is of infinite self hate
fallen angels are not just gospel
they give the righteous something more to berate.
I could berate
I could self flagelate
I could punish my gender for being ugly
___________________________________________

the pain I feel will never leave me, i can feel it infecting every part of me, I'm not sure if anyone can understand, this pain covers me in scars, these reminders of my battles, these instaments of torture, but it never leaves me and I fear it never will again

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Head like a hole-AFI

You are my master, I am your property
Do not say you are sorry
never apologise to me
I accept your every mood
I am owned by you ,you see.

Do not ever feel guilty
because you made me cry
I am nothing but your property
and I will never ask you why.

Do not simpathise with me
Its my choice to serve you
I do not fear my position
and forever I shall be true.

I linger in my humiliation
to obey you this I crave
forever to kneel at your feet
to be your life long slave.

________________________________________________________________________________________

I feel horrible today, but also I and feeling so much pain right now I don't know how to deal with it, I have may maethods but they all never work well

Current Music: Head like a hole-Nine inch nails

My Pain
As I sit here privy to the truth,
a pain courses through me,
the pain courses through my veins,
It is caused by something I'll never feel,
and covers me with scars that will never heal,
Like a flame to a leaf I will wither and be crushed,
Like a dagger in my chest the pain courses freely,
Why won't it stop?
Why won't it end?
When will it end?
I scream into the darkness,
Then looking to it I see a radiant blade,
And with it my pain will finally end,
I will feel never again.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Down with the sickness-Disturbed

My scars
They are so beautiful
Because it shows i am a warrior
With each cut makes me weak
But the scars make me strong
I am just a kid
But a soldier fighting my enternal battle
Will it ever stop?
No, thats why its eternal
So i keep cutting
To keep living
It pains me to know
I will never be normal
That I will never be happy
But with the wisdom I carry
I know I must hide
For the enemies are watching
They want my light
They want to win
They will lock me up and call my crazy
I cant let that happen
I must hide
I must hide my sorrow
I must hide my wisdom
i must hide my scars that i cherish so deeply
For i am a suvivor of my own war

Current Music: Numb-Linkin Park

black rose
Roses are pink
with shades of white
I can laugh with you
and it feels just right.

Roses are red
with shades of pink
smiling come easy
with no time to think.

Roses are black
with shades of gray
darkness settles in
my thoughts in dismay.

The rose is dried out
I'm seen but not heard
there's screaming inside
but I can't find the right word.

I pick apart the petals
they fall to the ground
a tear rolls from my eye
without making a sound.

I don't want to be here
I crawl to the light
I don't have the strength
I'm too weak to fight.

It's only temporary
I tell myself once more
hope has ran away from me
and has again slammed the door.

even more poetry
Constantly wandering
but at a stand still
so much love but
having no heart to fill.

Over and over
twenty four hours a day
I look at her and wish there
was something I could say.

Stop it! I plead wishing
she would reach out
just listen to me will you
is what I want to shout.

Obsessions and compulsions
that take over her life
I have to sit back and watch
in all it's chaos and strife.

I've tried to offer help
in every way that I can
she denies he needs help
and has held since it began.

So for now I sit back
waiting for her to admit
before it's too late and
it takes away her life

bit
by
bit
_____
this ones called chaos within read review do what you like...

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: South Texas Deathride-Union Underground

More Poetry
Every time I wake up alone

my heart misses a beat

And I feel lonely

There have been some that have come

for temporary fun

One and only

then the night comes and they say goodbye

Seems I am a very lucky guy

but all I really want

Is Love.

Every time I wake up alone

my heart skips a jump

And Im alone again

There have been those who have stayed

but soon they have strayed

and I feel the pain

another woman now has passed this way

leaves her number for another day

But all I really want

Is Love.

Every time I wake up alone

My heart sheds a tear

this bed is made for two

one day one might decide not to leave

but that`s so hard to believe

could that one be you?

anticipation keeps me hanging on

knowing shortly that you might be gone

But all we really want

Is Love.

________

My Poem
It's hard to the words to tell you how I feel,
My legs are so waek I am forced to kneel,
I say this to you now, not knowing how,
I neer told you this before,
Before I met you all I felt is pain,
Accompannied by miserable shame,
The day I met you, you opened my heart,
Where others had tron it apart,
When you speak I see a smile,
When I first saw it I though it was denile,
I thought it was but a dream when I met you,
I don't know if you thought that too,
When we sit and talk thats the best,
But it never compares to all the rest,
Maybe one day you'll really read this,
Or maybe not some day,
Maybe not even now,
But for you I will wait,
For I just hope it won't be too late,
While I am left to contemplate your descion,
Again, again, and again...

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Korn-Freak on a leash

Ehh..Oh Hi eheheh
Hello people of the night, how are you this evening? me oh well im feeling alittle better than yesterday I'm not concused any more, well aside from the boring school day today was very boring and slow, except at lunch of course, but little fellow tormented soul dani wasn't there today, I was kinda dissapointed but I know it's not her fault so I'll get over it well finished my rant until we meet again people of the night this is the vampire of doom bidding you good evening

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Chop Suey!-System of a Down

weak so weak
Well people of the night I have returned yet again, yes it is I, well time for me to tell you how my day went truth be told there's not much to tell just alot of critizime and stupid comments god I wish i could end my forever flowing river of pain, so that I may partake in a luxury that I know I dont desreve death, well goodbye people of the night until we meet again

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Chop Suey!-System of a Down

Hello....Again?
Hello people of the night, I'm not really in a good mood right now, kinda depressed actually, not sure why, well there's my parents who want to dosown me beacuse of the way i dress act talk walk, you name. I hate the way i look my hair my face egh! i want shiny silky hair, long if thats even possible were i live. i want a better face mine i ridled with unplesantries, i think most people i know would agree with me on that, well i am only a vampire of doom I cannot perform miracles. I have come to the realization that I am dying, the pain is getting worse everyday I can feel every breath passing my lung exhaling out of my mouth, how I wish it would just end, death would be a great realease from the pain right now, well i bid thee good night, people of the night farewell until next time

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: aerials-system of a down

Ahh Energy Returning
Well my people of the night, I have returned yet again, aha just when you thought I was gone heh well today was cool for the most part, exept for the fact that I got pelted in the head with a grape, evil grapes you will get you just deserts, GAPE JUICE! Yeah I think people are getting scared with my Vincent rants oh well, time for the rant:oh vincent's hair is so long shiny silky ahh so shiny, and that sexy body oh man so sexy well I must take my leave now wait for someone to talk to goodbye people of the night

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Toxicity-System of a Down

Hello you poor tormented soul
Well hello all whom read this be them friend or complete stranger let it be known that all are welcome here. With that said I wll begin.
Today was alright I guess, im just kinda in a sad mood latly not sure why though, eh well not much else to tell well leave a comment or something, I'll write later soon

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Chop Suey!-System of a Down

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